I am not the author of this; my neighbor Lynn graciously sent this before she knew I now laugh out of my ears. I sent it to my horsey friends, so sorry if you've already seen it.
The Seven Stages of Aging on Horseback.......
Stage I: Fall off pony. Bounce. Laugh. Climb back on. Repeat.
Stage 2: Fall off horse. Run after horse, cussing. Climb back on by
shimmying up horse’s neck. Ride until sundown.
Stage 3: Fall off horse. Use sleeve of shirt to stanch bleeding. Have
friend help you get back on horse. Take two Advil and apply ice packs
when you get home. Ride next day.
State 4: Fall off horse. Refuse advice to call ambulance; drive self
to urgent care clinic. Entertain nursing staff with tales of previous
daredevil stunts on horseback. Back to riding before cast comes off.
Stage 5: Fall off horse. Temporarily forget name of horse and name of
husband. Flirt shamelessly with paramedics when they arrive. Spend
week in hospital while titanium pins are screwed in place. Start
riding again before doctor gives official okay.
Stage 6: Fall off horse. Fail to see any humor when hunky paramedic
says, “You again?” Gain firsthand knowledge of advances in medical
technology thanks to stint in ICU. Convince self that permanent limp
isn’t that noticeable. Promise husband you’ll give up riding. One week
later purchase older, slower, shorter horse.
Stage 7: Slip off horse. Relieved when artificial joints and implanted
medical devices seem unaffected. Tell husband that scrapes and bruises
are due to gardening accident. Pretend you don’t see husband roll his
eyes and mutter as he walks away. Give apple to horse.
Trust me. Despite a lack of bounce-ability, aging on horseback isn’t
so bad, as long as you know what lies ahead. And as long as you keep
your sense of humor.
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