I saw the Plastic Surgeon this morning. My bud, Millie, took me in after dropping off an incredible looking authentic homemade Italian meal... I am so milking this accident!! Actually, I've canceled all this Meals on Wheels business to start after Monday and the only reason it hasn't been turned off sooner is because Sharon is making Gluten Free Fried Chicken and she made the mistake of telling the Mister. So, just who is milking the head injury here, I ask? Thank you, there is no "u" in the word, "me". Anyway, I love all the food, but its just the two of us and both refrigerators and freezers are plumb full, okay? Thank you!!
Just for fun, come with me into Dr. McIntosh's office. As usual, I get my upfront spot next door to Sur La Table in Kirkland. I enter and Monica runs out and shows me her really cool Shellac nails. Love her, she is a walking advertisement for all that is right with surgery. Millie likes her, but really, is there anyone she doesn't like? Heart as big as the world and one of the classiest broads I know.
I always have someone come with me to help me remember questions to ask and write down the answers. I think I remember what I asked and what he answered and would like to share them with you, because Lord knows, if you ever are kicked in the face by a horse, some of these questions you won't ask, believe me and you should:
Can I drive? Yes, but not drunk (he reads my blog, damn, and already knew I drove).
Can I drive while shaving my hoohah? Probably not, I don't even want to know what that means.
Can I blow my nose? No.
Can I pick my nose? On our one month anniversary, you may pick your nose. (A true romantic, I knew it!)
Do you like my hair color? Yes, I noticed it right away and you are fetching.
Will you prescribe 10 cases of Proseco? Yes, if your insurance allows.
When did you get your MD from Google? Huh?
Millie got to see my stitches along my gumline and look really close at my nosehairs. This is my gratitude to her for driving, lucky girl.
The nerves are healing quicker than anticipated, the continued facial swelling is normal and the dizziness is due to the sinus infection, which I think is responding well to the new antibiotic. Got a referral to an Oral Maxillofacial Surgeon because now my jaw is a problem (still can't open my mouth, go ahead say it, insert your own damn joke here). He gave me a prescription for massages, (yeah, baby), except I can't lay on my face, so a side rub is what I'll get. No happy finish is prescribed. Wait, did I type that out loud? Sorry.
I told him this was a full time job and I was ready to take this job and shove it. He nicely said that I'd be fired soon, which is good, because I need to get back to my real job as Fecal Relocation Manager.
That is my report.
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