Pre Functioning Prior to Elementary School

We really haven't changed that much after 43 years.  Who goes to their kindergarden reunion?  I do.



Me, right in the middle.  Note the "Heidi of the Alps" braids and dirndl.  Thanks, Mom.  Photographer thought he took two pics by mistake, that's why Lily isn't in the pics.  Silly twins.




In the middle, behind the clown pants.  Lily is being the goof this time.

 The guy I beat up I still wanted to beat up;  he spilled a drink on my shoe within five minutes of reunionizing.  Serious party foul.  No wonder I punched him.  The class clown is still the clown (note the clown pants).  And the nerd guy is now talking about IT for the FBI instead of slide rulers for 2nd grade.

Way fun.

Deer Me, Those Are Strange Boots

So I'm sitting here in Eastern Washington wearing a fleece jacket at the end of July.  It's not warm.  I just got off the phone with friends in New York and they told me about their trip to Maine last weekend where it was much cooler at 98 degrees.  I just imagine nasty stink when I think of that hot and humid in a city.  Sweaty, oily, grimy, pollution, stink.  I am not complaining one bit about wearing clean smelling fleece.

Gus is having a terrific time here.  He's been hiking every day with me and not one bit of cheat grass in his paws.  Of course, it wouldn't be fun without a trip to the vet which is what we did last Thursday because he would start his motorcycle at all hours of the night and look slightly alarmed at his lack of control.  Vet determined that he probably has slight nerve damage due to the tumble with the fierce Mama Deer.  He is on low dose pain meds that make him stumble around like a zombie until he falls over.  It's pretty funny, so I might slip some into DW's drink.  While I was there, a baby Jack Russell Terrier got his cast off his broken leg (deer attack), Dachsund got 42 stitches out (deer attack) and the vet told me he wrapped a Lab's broken ribs and put down a German Shepherd the week before because of deer.  Needless to say, Gus hardly leaves the deck.

I found these pictures of the boy and thought it ironic that he fought his first deer at five weeks old.  Wasn't he cute??

Not so cute; cheat grass removal surgery.

I just booked a trip to Wickenburg, AZ to go back for the sixth time, I think, to Rancho de Los Callaberos, a dude ranch with a golf course.  We'll go for six days and I will ride, probably twice a day.  I hope I get Hoser, he's the little Mexican horse that I've ridden every time and we team penned and set the course record.  He must be over 20 now, so maybe not in service.  Denny rode a horse I called Sherman as in Tank because he was a Draft/QH cross.  What I like best about the Ranch is that you can actually gallop the desert trails.  What I like second best is watching all the weird groupies that hang out there while someone dries out nearby at the rehab place.  David Gest (who married Liza Minelli) showed up once and sat behind us.  The Colonel asked me if we should ask him to join us because he looked lonely.  He didn't know who he was.  Dude shows up for dinner in sunglasses and is really scary looking.  No, we will not ask him to sit with us, no, that is not happening.  Some female rappers' posse was there once, too.  Talk about out of place.  Kinda hard to ride in spike heels.

Better Than Picking My Butt

I know, I've slowed down on the posts.  Not because I don't have terribly exciting adventures every day, it's just that they're only terribly exciting if you're me.  Here are some of my latest adventures and then I shall bestow upon you exactly what my health status is as of today.  Stay tuned.

1.  I see Goldy twice a week to crack my back. 
2.  I get a massage.
3.  I pull on different size rubber tubes and pretend that I'm "working out".
4.  I take Gus for walks or walkabouts, as he prefers.  He checks his pee-mail and poops and I pretend I dont' see anything.  I figure if horses can poop in Bridle Trails, so can dogs.
5.  I had my hair straightened and cut.
6.  I went to see Clinton Anderson, famous Aussie horse trainer, do his thing at Showare Center in Kent.  It was fun.
7.  I danced to 80's rock with the Mister.
8.  I put Frontline tick crap on Gus' back.
9.  I went to Costco.

You get the picture.  Too exciting for words.  Literally.

That being said, my neck and butt still hurt occasionally and my upper lip and nostril are still numb.  I get occasional zaps across my face and in the orbital eye area, but this is supposed to be normal, according to my Google MD.  My dentist took an xray and said none of my teeth are broken at the root, but that I could lose a couple within a years time because my palate is shifted. 

My nostril occasionally itches like crazy and it hurts so good to scratch it like a nasty six year old boy, but what the hell, you gotta do what you gotta do.  Sometimes I think I'll touch my brain if I get up to the first knuckle, but not yet.

The Mister turns 65 this weekend and I can't believe I'm married to a man on Medicare.  Of course, he doesn't look like it, he's quite a handsome sort, looks like George Hamilton without the melanoma skin.  I got him the sweetest birthday gifts:  a tee shirt with his name on it:  "Colonel Angus" and a matching Confederate hat. 

How's that for true love?

Classic Stuisms

Stu da Phew is almost 10 and still pretty funny, but he was quite funny when he was younger.  Mike taught him important words like shock absorber and infrastructure as soon as he could talk.  Nothing important like his name, address or phone number.

Anyway, I kept a collection of funny things he said so I wouldn't forget.  Being the proud aunt (and Mister uncle), we had the important duties of teaching, "Pull My Finger", and assorted good bathroom jokes.  These are all between talking and about four years old. I have cut and pasted some of his finer comments:

Stu said to me, "Sphincter says what?  Heidi says what."  Very funny.

I asked Stu what days he went to preschool.  He said Thursday and I asked what other days.  He replied, "Thursday and then the next Thursday after that." 

Stu called last night. He made me listen to his new DVD. He said it had cars and was called, "Grocery Racer". Lily said it was "Go Speed Racer".

So I had the 'Phew spend the night.  As I was getting his bath ready, he turned to me and said, "Heidi, let's make a deal.  Let's not twist anybody's nipples."  I agreed.

Sitting around the table talking about voting with Stu da Phew and gang the other night.  Stu said to me, "Heidi, I voted."  I aske, "Who did you vote for?"  He replied, "I voted for Canada."

And finally, just this week, he was telling me all about horse camp.  What the horses' names were, how tall, what color and which one they rode, except for one that was in the field because someithing was wrong with it.  I asked him, "Was he lame?"  Stu said, "No, he was pretty cool."

Chance of Showers

The good ole days, two weeks before the head banging in Palm Desert......

I Golf, Therefore, I Am

I hit the links for the first time in over four months and although that first round was quite expensive (CC dues for storing my clubs), it was rather good. First time I didn't feel guilty for not exercising the horse instead, a strange behavior, indeed.

Frankly, I find golf rather mundane, but enjoy the social part. It never fails to amaze me how some people, mostly (well, only) men, find it necessary to retell and relive their every shot. I just think, well, that's about four hours of my life I'll not get back.

But still, it's better than a swift kick to the head.

Natural Dogmanship Training

Poor Doggus Dorkus Erectus. I got up at the "Paw of Command" alarm (a large paw slams the bed so that the earth shakes) early this morning and went outside with him to greet the day. We both saw a doe strolling leisurely down the driveway and he decided to go make friends. I saw the tiny fawn too late but fortunately, it ran in the opposite direction while Mama ran straight for Gus. He was startled and regained his hearing and just as he turned toward me, she ran over him and bowled him over.

He came running with his nubby tail tucked down, but unhurt. That was one mean Mama.

Nature's shock collar of training.

Bella, Bella, Bella

I'm trying out the different ways to call two dogs. Kinda like my Mom when she'd yell, "HeidiLily" at dinnertime. I think it will be, "Gussybelle". Gus' breeder used to call all the puppies with, "cookie, cookie", so when it was dinnertime and I'd yell, "Gussie, Gussie!", same results. He'd be over at neighbor dog Ben's house and he'd come screaming around the silo up on the deck, smiling and panting.

Now, with new girl, Bella, I hope it works the same way. She sounds so much like Doggus Dorkus with favorite toys going to bed, happy kisses and being involved every minute. As much as I love him, I don't need help putting on socks and shoes, using the toilet or walking down stairs. Walking(racing and stumbling) down stairs in the morning is akin to Doggy NASCAR; the finish line is the food bowl.

Bella is the new girl that has come into our lives at a time that we are needing to pay it forward. Her owner is dying of cancer and doesn't have long and wants the peace of mind to know that her special girl will have a new home with much love. I hope Bella will comfort as long as possible and then we are able to comfort Bella as she grieves.

Life is too short and precious not to give where we can.

BTW, Goldy had a girl.

Submission of the Fittest

Dr. Goldy's wife did indeed mess up my fame by going into labor and resulting in a cancelled appointment.  (I'll call today to find out boy or girl and Mom is at the ready with pink or blue booties.) Thus, my butt and shoulder and neck hurt.  Actually, it's not my butt, but lower back near butt and actually, I think it was the three hour drive to get to Mazama that twisted me.  I drove all by myself!  Okay, Gus was in the car, but he doesn't drive very well, so he was the Navigator.

We are delighted to be here and the Colonel shall be arriving soon, more delight.  No evidence of marmots or mice in the barn, first time in twelve years.  Lots of foxtails (cheatgrass or sock rockets) but Gus was shaven for summer, including between his hooves.  We're going for a walk as soon as I'm done here.

I went to We Sell Polenta down the road for dinner with Claire. (It's Wesola Polano- "Happy Polish Valley" or something equally weird, so our name fits.)  They've got the tapas menu figured out and an impressive book of drinks.  I think that's why it's such a happy valley in Poland, a lot of hard liquor goes a long way.

There is a dog enclosure there so we were entertained by the various and sundry dogs-  some obviously city and some definitely country.  A German Shepherd puppy was placed with a small carefully groomed white puffball and medium sized mix.  The puffball promptly attacked the Shepherd.  Claire said that this particular dog had been attacked numerous times around the Valley, so I watched for a while and soon saw why.  Although she was submissive, she didn't get the cues to back off.  She'd try to play and paw and even though teeth were bared, she'd jump on the dog, resulting in an attack.  Three more dogs, all smaller, did this with her.  Claire and I agreed, this is survival of the smarter here, not the submissive and extremely annoying.  It's kinda like that with people, too, isn't it? 

I don't want to jinx it, so I'm not gonna say, but we may be adding to our wee family.  When I know more, I'll say more. For now, I will dominate over my large, semi-alpha male.  And Gus, too.