Stupid Earworm

It's been stuck in my head for days, thank you very much never ending Christmas music.  Then, I actually paid attention to the words and realized they were True To Life.  Maybe Grandma really did get run over by a reindeer. 

"Gussy got run over by a reindeer
Going out to pee one summer morn
He had no idea what had attacked him
Momma deer with baby freshly born"

That's as far as I got, but we feel for Grandma now.

Salty Surprises

We really don't do presents at Christmas.  After all, it's not OUR birthday, you heathens.

Of course, we do the token gifts to friends and cheap relatives, but it's usually, wine and candy or cookies; normally and thankfully, useful gifts.

This year, we got two salt licks.  The first salt lick was as a result of a white elephant gift exchange.  I was confused at the gift, and was assured that it was an expensive salt block to be used for culinary delights.  Okay, two violations of white elephant:  expensive and supposedly useful.

I was happy to note that said salt lick was made in Woodinville by the same company that made the stupidly expensive Himalayan salt licks for horses.   Even in violation of white elephant, it will be used.

Then, we receive another exact replica in the mail. We were amazed, what are the odds?  I read the "curing" instructions and realized that if I really wanted to spend seven hours of my life prepping this huge granite brick to use as a serving tray, that would be some serious time best spent shaving horse beards, dog butts or hanging tenders.

For the Restivus

Are you ready?  I'm ready.  Feats of strengths, airing of Grievances.  Happy Festivus!

Christmas Carolling

Every year, we sing a special song in honor of our late dog, Jack.  We spent every Christmas and a week in February in Mazama and there was usually quite a bit of snow, enough to be plowed with a driveway tunnel to the house.  Jack figured out quickly that walking through the snow was hard as a 140 lb beast.  He would check pee mail and poop in the driveway when the need arose. 
Therefore, we composed our own winter melody to be sung to "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":

"In the lane, Jack is pissin', in the lane, brown is glistening,
Oh what a sight, all brown and white,
Walkin' in a Wooly fecal lane.,,"

We're all about holiday traditions.

Hairing Up

So I made my monthly trek to the dermatologist so he could look at the scar on my head and remark that, gee, only one out of his 300 surgeries this year has ever had nerve damage.  Yeah, whatever.  After all that fun with him, we thought it a good idea to look at other moles, i.e., a fully body search for more cutting spots. Let's take off all our clothes and be happy to be wearing a clean thong.

He started by looking at my scalp, kinda.  He said, "Wow, you have a lot of hair, you should have your hairdresser keep an eye for dark spots on your scalp."  I said, "Wait until you see my legs."  I thought to myself, "My hairdresser has gone to medical school?  I should ask."  I pointed out several weird spots that I had kept an eye on for changes, including one on my toe.  When he saw my toe, he asked if I wanted it froze off, much too eagerly.  I asked if it was cancerous and he said, no, but if it bothered me...Okay, why would I want a mole on my toe burned off to cause some pain I didn't need?  He really is aptly named Dr. Bun Ass.

As he looked at my legs, I said, "Well, I just got through No-Shave November and we're into Don't Shave December, so what do you think?"  He said nothing, but the nurse snickered.  Then we took pictures of my back and stomach because it was all very suspicious. Those might end up on Facebook, just for future reference.  Bottom line, no cancerous areas, except for my scalp which is undetermined until I get my hair cut.

My next doctor appointment will involve Dingleberry December, I think.

A Good End to a Bad Year

My only real vacation of the year, finally.  Going to Mazama and a family reunion does not count at all. I had so much fun and am still aglow.  Riding, golfing, pedicure, amazing food, boinking, shopping, reading;  we did it all.  I love the desert, not Palm Desert, but the real desert of Arizona. 

Dancing Saguaro, abt 200 yrs old

I'm just happy to report that I feel almost 100%.  My upper lip and gums are still numb, as my forehead is, but I'm getting used to it.  I really felt the cold today, could be alcohol withdrawal.  I sipped some serious Tequila.

I'm putting up all my decorations tomorrow.  The wreath on the door and a Festivus pole.  Done.  The barn has always had cactus lights and the outdoor patio has white lights, so it's pretty damn easy to be holidayish.

Been emailing with our neighbor next door who lost her husband in a plane crash over the weekend.  Tragic, only 52 and an amazing family.  We'll be keeping an eye on the house while they travel to Michigan for the funeral and burial.  What a shock, I just saw him the day before we left.

I have been working out with my personal trainer again and we have a very motivating goal.  I don't want to jinx it, because I haven't been formally accepted, but it involves intense riding and another trip to Arizona!





My hero, an amazing wrangler with a Grammy!

Barbie's Dream Trailer

Isn't this the greatest idea?  A two horse mini trailer that fits in the bed of a truck.   It comes with a ramp and a little cab window so you can feed little baby carrots and receive little horse kisses in return.  

Bliss.