My Vet and My Dentist Should Meet

DogGus went to the Vet yesterday because he needed some booster shots, I wanted to weigh him and his mouth is stinky.  I suspect his lovely odor is a result of raw food congealing about his lips and rotting there.  Hence, the cloud of dead ass that surrounds him.

He gets oh so nervous at the Vet's office and tries to sit in my lap by crawling over from the neighboring seat.  It is rather silly and embarrassing for all.  The techs pretend to like him, but really, who likes butt mouth?  Yes, it is that bad.

We get him on the scale and he is a whopping 120 lbs.  I believe he is in competition with the Wiener Horses for the most weight gained in a month.

We wait for the doctor, who is new, as usual, and when he walks in and introduces himself, I think, "Wow, is Gus' breath so bad, this guy will think I'm a terrible owner!"  The vet leans over to pet DogGus and talk to him and then I realize that I smell extreme garlic and rotting venison all at the same time.  Oh dear Lord.  It is so bad I think I might gag.  The vet steps away, Thank God, and goes over his medical record and notes that Gus is fat.  He needs to lose weight.  All this time I considered him fluffy, but no, he is not.  Okay, he is on a  reduced rotting meat diet now.

He examines him and discovers a broken tooth.  A gleam comes into his eye as he explains the various dental procedures we might try.  Here are the suggestions:
1.  Let's file it down and put a sealant on it.
2.  Let's xray it and then pull it.
3.  Let's xray it and then do a root canal.
4.  Let's do a crown.

WTF?  How about, let's do nothing?  Geez, is he dying?  Is he in pain?  I know his breath stinks like yours, but you don't have pearly whites, either.  Maybe he doesn't smell it.  I politely point out that the hair around his lips is matted with decaying food and slobber, but he doesn't seem to think anything of it.  Can a vet be any good if he can't smell rotting flesh? 

I ask for an estimate to clean his teeth and decide that perhaps my regular dentist could do it cheaper.  $568????  Again, WTF.

DogGus is at the Groomers today to have the stench removed.  I think I will anonymously mail my dentists' card to the Vet.

Dr. Flip-Flop, the Fashion Faux Pas

The Colonel and I went to see a new Neurosurgeon yesterday to discuss further options for my face.  While waiting, a former coworker of his walked in and we discussed options for her foot.  She has neuropathy, which doesn't result from being stepped on by a horse, I discovered. 

We wait and he comes in, wearing his official white coat and bolo tie with huge silver rodeo belt buckle.  Okay, I like cowboy doctors, like anyone else, but he really threw me off;  he was wearing socks and flip flops.  Not special socks with flips flops.  Dress black socks with the toe all stretched and squished around the flipper part of the flip flop.

Very disturbing, but he explained he was originally from Sante Fe.  Still, doesn't explain the footwear.

He quite enjoyed my MRI and happily pointed out to the Colonel (first time seeing it) that my face was indeed shattered and kept zooming in and out on my nose.  A faint shadow on the screen, fast mouseroll, then BAM!  Nose in seven pieces.  Great entertainment.  I discovered later that the Colonel wasn't even watching because he was trying to decipher what the conch on his bolo tie said.  (The one that spelled out his last name).

The good news is that I don't have dementia.  He put me through the tests of repeating cabbage, table, baseball, dog, Chevrolet, rose, blue, and belt, several time during the exam.   I missed two on the first go around.  It's interesting to me that I pictured these items grouped on the table (except for the dog and car and the table was blue, duh).  The Colonel later said that he pictured the actual words.  That was the most exciting part of the whole exam and then we talked treatment and prognosis.

He said he believed my nerves would regenerate to a point, but probably not my upper gum line.  I believe numbness is preferably to pain, so I'm okay with that.  Since I had a rash reaction to the common nerve drug, he gave me a bottle of Lyrica to try.  I carefully grilled him on side effects, to which he said, "It will make you tired at first, you'll get used to it, if the small dose isn't enough after a week, up it and check for a rash.  The good news is that unless you intend to get falling down drunk every day, it won't interfere with alcohol."  That lead me to wonder if he thought I was planning on hitting the bar for lunch and just had that look of a desperate alcoholic.  He also said that I should try a low dose of capsaicin, which I could find in a drug store.  You dip a Qtip and speck the pain and then THROW IT AWAY.  He said DON'T TOUCH IT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS OR YOU WILL DIE WHEN YOU TOUCH YOUR EYE OR GENITALS.  Okay, okay, Dr. Sock Flop, I get it!!!  Geez, simmer down already.  Fortunately, he didn't say about not touching other peoples' eyes or genitals, so we'll just have that little experience later.  Stay tuned.

Of course, in furthering my Google MD training, I swiftly found out that Lyrica causes tiredness, dizziness, dry mouth, memory loss, weight gain and painful genitals (only if you touch yourself after use).  I duly took it after dinner and boy howdy, better than Benadryl.  I am a bit woozy this morning, but still know how to use spell check, so it's all good.  My face did feel somewhat better, even with the weather change, so that's a plus.  Once again, stay tuned.

Just to Fill the Blog

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Hi! My name is Charlotte. How may I help you?

Customer:  Hi there- I believe I booked ten days at the Really Cool Resort in 2013 and would like confirmation, please. I used xx points.

Charlotte:  okay give me a few minutes.

Charlotte:  Do you have a confirmation number>

Charlotte:  ?

Customer:  No, I tried to trace the transaction history because it gave me an error, that's why I'm contacting you.

Charlotte:  When were you trying to book it?

Charlotte:  and what date were you booking it for?

Customer:  Within the last hour. I placed a hold and then confirmed within fifteen minutes. Date was approximately xxxx, although we're flexible for the three bedroom villa.

Charlotte:  let me take a look just a moment.

Charlotte:  I am not seeing the reservation if you didn't get a confirmation # and error then it didn't go through.

Customer:  Can you book it for me or do I have to do it again?

Charlotte:  What property were you doing it for?

Customer:  The Really Cool Resort in Hawaii. Oh please oh please oh please. :)

Charlotte:  since you asked nicely with a smiley face give me a minute 10 nights right?

Customer:  Okay, I'll wait here.

Charlotte:  I have a Island view starting on xxx for 10 nights for 2 bedroom for xx vacation club points.

Customer:  Any three bedrooms regardless of dates around then? Island view is fine, thank you.

Charlotte:  I have a 3 bedroom island view for xx would you like me to book it?

Customer:  YES!!

Charlotte:  okay give me a moment.

Charlotte:  I booked you in a 3 bedroom island view room for xx vacation club points. xxx, 2013- xxx, 2013 for xxx vacation club points. Conformation # .xxx if you need to cancel or change the reservation make sure you do it 60 days prior from the reservation. I'll be sending you an e-mail conformation to none of your business.com.

Customer:  Oh, oh, oh. May your web be full of flies and not all your friends be pigs. sorry, i had to say it.

Charlotte:  haha made me laugh glad I can make your evening.

Customer:  You're the best! Thanks, girl!!