Actually, he said my scar was healing well, but the massive pressure in my sinus, extreme dizziness, memory loss, and pain in my teeth was concerning. He also was puzzled by my black tongue, which is when I helpfully suggest Hoof and Mouth Disease. My MD from Google has been a tremendous asset.
He said I probably had a sinus infection and gave me a prescription for some horse pills and some newfangled medicine called Scar Fade. Then he said he'd call my GP and talk to her about the situation and I should probably go see her, since I don't have much to do and my friend Nancy pretended like she was all happy to take me places. So I made an appointment while in the surgeon's lobby and off we go because I'm not seeing her until 3:30 and phew, that's good because my wonderful hairdresser was coming to my house to color my hair. I know you thought I was a natural blonde, turns out I'm just smart enough to look like one.
My surgeon phoned me and said, Hi, I just got off the phone with your doctor and we think you need a CAT Scan. I phoned my GP's office to confirm the time and they put my doctor on the line. She said, you have an appointment now at an ENT and will probably get a CAT Scan so go now. I believe now that they were trying to tell me something was worse than my black tongue. Now, I have a massive headache, hot and cold and feel like I need to throw up. But enough of Nancy's driving skills.
Nancy, pretending to be happy and tra la la, isn't this fun, gets me to the front door of the Overlake Medical Tower and helps me out so I can sit on the bench to wait while she parks. It was freezing outside, so I saw a nice lady and said, "Excuse me, will you help me?" and burst into tears. This is a great way to get instant attention, I've discovered. She kindly led me inside to a bench and all of a sudden, a man with a wheelchair appeared and asked did I need help? I snuffled a pathetic, "Yes, please" and Nancy comes running in after she was convinced that I had just wandered away. I believe she thinks I just have dementia, she sees past my scars, sweet woman.
Nice man with wheelchair escorts us to the ENT waiting room where we recline for a mere 45 minutes to deal with my big emergency. I honestly thought about taking out my Swiss Army knife and stabbing it in my leg to see if anyone noticed. Nice Nancy convinced me that I should contact Denny and I acquiesed. She calmly explained the situation to him and said goodbye. She then turns to me and says, "Denny said to tell you that Gus is in the garage." I thought I misheard her, yet another symptom of head injury. She just told my husband that I was getting an emergency CAT Scan and dude wants me to know about the dog? Okay, then.
Once I get wheeled into the appointment room, I promptly fell over while sitting up. I had a vasalvagal response, so Nice Nancy yells for help and they all rush in, probably to see if I stabbed myself in my leg, like so many of their other patients do to pass the time. Nice Nancy decides it is time to call in the big guns, so Denny comes flying in to take over the situation, as only the Colonel can. The doctor enters, cue the big shining spotlight here. She proclaims bad sinus infection after looking up my nose and ramming a cotton swab up there. I yelled, "Hey, the surgeon said don't put anything up my nose!" and she responded, "Well, he didn't tell me." Bitch. No need for CAT Scan because all we will see is a big infection. When did she get her Google MD? I do a much better job of diagnosing. What about my black tongue, you may be wondering? Me, too. I think perhaps it is mushroom growth, as I haven't been able to brush or floss much. I will be phoning Monday to confirm my diagnosis via the culture took today.
So I am ordered to house arrest once more for at least two days, nasal rinses, horse pills and sleep some more which is just as well. My roots are showing.
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