AM PM BM

I'm pretty proud of myself in certain secret areas.  No, I'm not a transgender, so just get your puny mind out of the gutter and focus.

I believe in the power of fiber, water and exercise as a general cures what ails ya treatment.  An apple a day, dontcha know. I am proud to be a member of the AM PM BM club, as my sister calls it.  Well, they revoked my membership on April 22.  These damn pain pills, lack of exercise and no good fiber disqualified me.

Five days post accident is a problem.  I was able to go, but then another five days passed.  Granted, I've been eating primarily through a straw and not very much because of extreme nauseousness, but still, you gotta have things to look forward to in your life.  Care Concierge, Sharon V., insisted on my telling the doctor of my problem.  Thanks, this is my future ex-husband we're talking about.  Very sexy.   My new great love, Dr. McIntosh, said, this is what you do, "Go buy prune juice and Milk of Magnesia and take it.  If that doesn't produce results by tomorrow morning, I will get you a prescription."  I sat with eyes shining, waiting for the rest of the magic concoction, only to be severely disappointed.  No vodka.  Wait, who needs a prescription for pooping?  He said you do or you'll get an enema.  Yes!!  I need a prescription for pooping as images of my mother flashed before my eyes.  "You eat that or you'll get it in an enema"  "Can't we give the starving children in China an enema instead?"  Evil glare, sent to my room, but yipppeeee, no enema.  Okay, I digress.




Post pooping

 Poop is pretty funny.  The Mister and I met because of poop, so it can be romantic, too.  While volunteering at Business Week as a Company Advisor in Ellensburg, Lily was auditing a company known as "Ace Novelty" (cue the rainbow and angel horns).  Nirvana to me.  She graciously brought the classics and newly untried gags for us, because we were the representative business icons molding the futures of our bright high school students.  Denny was the "Chairman of the Week", in charge of these fine respectable industry leaders and he had a tight schedule of orientation, ethics and rules, market simulation training modules and general lecturing.  Following our agenda closely, I casually dropped the fake dog poop to the ground.  No recognition from Lily.  I slid the squirting calculator over to her and hoped she would take a gander.  Nothing, she was holding out.  Finally pulled out the big guns, totally ignoring the talking head up front.  Big  sneeze and the fake bugger drops from my nose.  Finally got a weak, "ha, ha" from her and the large "BWAAAHHAAAHHHAAAAHHHAA" got my attention.  It was my true love, interrupting his lecture, gazing at me with tears in his eyes.  Okay, he was doubled over laughing, but they were genuine tears of joy, I'm sure of this now.


Lily and me at Bus Week with runny noses


Oh, the many years later to our now wedded bliss.  His offer to chew up potato chips and spit them in my mouth because I can't chew; wearing black socks for our first intimate encounter while entangling in the sheets; sleep walking and falling asleep on the guest room toilet as a nice surprise for my boss and his wife to see.  Ahhh, will the romance never end?

All because of poop.  Don't even get me started on butt hairs.