I Try To Spy With My Little Eye

One of the lingering inconveniences from my face meeting hoof was the disturbance of my vision.  It wasn't horrible, just noticeable now that I'm half a century and require reading glasses.  My injured eye not only couldn't read without aid, I couldn't see long distance very well, especially at night., I thought about becoming a pirate, but it's hard to find coordinating handbag/patch combos, so I opted for corrective eye surgery. I had successful lasik surgery in 1999, with a small enhancement in 2006 and since it was a lifetime guarantee, I saw no downside. It didn't hurt and it was kinda fun to get the woo woo drugs and sleep for a day, then see cleanly again. The doctor recommended that I do PRK surgery this time because I'd have longer lasting results and my cornea wasn't as thick as before. He warned that it would be more uncomfortable than lasik, but I figured the social ostracism for wearing mismatched eye patches would be worse.

I am ready and drugged, oh boy.

So in 10 minutes, I have a freshly zapped eye and am flying high.  The doctor stopped me as I was going out of the operating room and said to me, "You will most uncomfortable on Saturday.  You will need the Vicadin."  Oh pshaw, I thought, this is my third rodeo and believe me, I am no stranger to pain.

The Colonel escorts me home and I feel well enough to do laundry, read email and Facebook and give the boys some lunch.  I had read the literature carefully, and dust and wind was to be avoided at all costs, so look at me, wearing my onion goggles.



Clever girl

Ever so dutiful, I applied the steroid drops, antibiotic drops and artificial tears as directed.  The pain started about 4 PM.  A grain of sand seemed as though it was stuck under the protective contact, so I tried to flush it out with the artificial tars.  I tried the pain drops, which helped for about ten minutes.

 

Soon I felt small razorblades sticking in my eye.  I looked in the mirror, but the light made it painful, too.  I was ready for the big guns, so popped a Vicadin.  An hour later, I was at half pain, but my lip and face felt great.  The Colonel, with his Google MD, told me I could take another Vicadin, so I did.  I now felt almost normal, but the caffeine kept me awake and goofy. It was late and I sure didn't want to continue the stabby eye thing, so I popped an Ambien and slept like the dead.

The razorblades woke me eight hours later and it got so bad that I won't even go into it except to say that I called the emergencyline and considered cutting out the offending eye, mismatched patches, here I come. Instead, hot and cold packs, regular pain drops and more Vicadin has saved me and the eye, 

This is how I've felt all day.