Old and In the Way

Dear Heidi,

It was a pleasure to see you in the office. Your FSH shows that you are in menopause. Please let me know if you are symptoms resolved with the estrogen. I look forward to seeing you at your next scheduled appointment. Dr G

And there it is.  I am officially old.  I expect much sagging, drooping and memory loss by next week at the latest.  I just started wearing reading glasses last month, too.

FYI, I didn't celebrate the 2 year anniversary of my kick on Monday mostly because there wasn't much to celebrate.  Still on drugs, trying to wean off of Lyrica and Trileptal;  it's not easy, even though they are not narcotics.  Dr. G tried to convince me that the night sweats were due to these drugs and now we what the real culprit is.  I feel much better on fewer drugs, no naps and lots more energy.  I hope this low dose estrogen will keep the flashing at bay and maybe my boobs off the floor.

Goldy and Bright

20th anniversary and romantic and such when the piano player at Canlis plays..."The Girl From Ipanema". 

The Mister turns to me and says, "This is that song....you know......"Girlfriend, You Pee On Me..."

Oh, my.  Really..I thought his saying that his friend's wife was unattractive was the highlight of his Tourettes'.

It is truly the hour of the golden shower today..

Say What?

I thought I knew everything about the man I married twenty years ago.  Granted, it was a shock when I learned he liked Spam, but I learned to live with it.

Last week, I learned something so odd and strange that it will shock you.  Be prepared, dear reader, be prepared.

The Colonel told me that years ago, while he was enrolled in the MBA program at the UW, he started hanging out with a fellow student and would occasionally socialize as couples.  (This was BH, of course).  He said that one day, over beers at the local bar, there was a lull in the conversation.  The Colonel casually said to this man, "You know, your wife isn't very attractive." 

What?  You said what?  And he claims it wasn't even true.  Do you think it was some random Tourette's syndrome?  What would possess someone to say this?  Evidently, the man was gracious enough to say, "Well, yours isn't either", instead of punching him in the head.

I believe his filter is more securely fastened now.

Picking Lint

Mom called today.  "This is your Mom."  Always.  Like how many elderly German women call me?  Okay, maybe two of my Mom's friends, but I know their voices equally well. "What are you doing?" she asks.  "Contemplating my navel," I say.  She laughs and I say, "No, really, I was just getting into the shower when I thought about my belly button and what could possibly be in it."  She said, "There is nothing in your belly button."  "Oh, ho!  You may think that, but have you ever looked?  It's really nasty, you should take a Q-tip to it."  "I wash my stomach in the shower," says she.  "Yeah, so do I, but all that soap doesn't rinse out sometimes,"  I told her.

I got to thinking about certain bathing rituals that I know about.  A friend of mine has never washed his feet.  True story, but his feet look great.  How can that be?  Another friend of mine uses a new towel every single day.  Not in my house she doesn't, but isn't that strange?  I couldn't do that much laundry and I really like doing laundry.  The Mister calls it my favorite hobby.  My Mom never uses soap on her face, just washes with a washcloth.  She has beautiful skin.  It's not right.

Well, that was exciting.  It was wonderfully warm today and a new friend came by to see the beasty boys.  We brushed them until it looked like we blew up several rabbits and took Trusty out in the cart.  Lucky tagged along;  no choice, as he was tied to the cart.  It was really fun and I learned  ton about harnessing and driving.  I'm really looking forward to more rides with her, especially when we pick up Lucky's cart from the ranch.

No news on my winning the Peep contest.  I don't know if they'll publish the picture in this Sunday's paper, but I know it was one of the best.  Now....what to do with all the Western Peeps?  They're on my shelf in all their sugary glory, slowly turning hard. 

I shall occasionally inspect them for bugs and see what happens.

In Which the Neighbor Proposes Murder

It was such a nice day on Monday that I decided to take advantage and do outdoorsy things that need attention (besides scoop poop, which is basically, same shit, different day).

The lucky dwarf spotted bison were attached to the alley fence to grazed peacefully and get a good brushing, DogGus happily snarled at all who passed and I got to work on the neighbors' blackberries.  I love blackberries, yes, I do, but not the big scratches they leave on the truck's paint when I drive by.  Also, there were some big scotch-broomy looking things that were out of control.  I know they'll grow back, but at least for now the paint is safe.

So on with the gloves, safety glasses (I am Captain Safety, of course, which is the whole reason this blog was created.  I digress.)  and out come the lopping shears.  I attacked the immediate neighbors patch of vines and the scotch-broomy thing.  I start to go down the alley to the next backyard overgrowth when I see Herman the German outside  (I think he is actually Dutch, but that doesn't rhyme).  He is a neighbor that is kitty corner to our yard along the alley.  He also has the infamous Cranky Franky that will just as soon bite you as look at you. 

Great aside story about Herman;  my friend and I were riding in the big arena one day and Herman trotted in on Franky doing his fancy dressage moves, which were actually very impressive.  I hear a shout, just in time to see Herman on bucking Franky and up and over onto the sand he flies.   Herman doesn't wear a helmet and evidently never will, so it was scary.  I got Bombay over to block the arena entrance so the Crank wouldn't run out and Herman sheepishly got to his feet while Franky was trying to bite my friend and her horse.  Since then, Herman made fun of our fancy helmets and has now taken to calling my little beasts, my "fashion accessories".  Some may be insulted, but I think he is weird and he's trying to be funny (and is embarrassed at being seen bucked off).  After all, he is in his 70's and rides like a madman, so you gotta respect that.

So I wave hello to Herman and he saunters over to say, "I see you are murdering the blackberries."  "Yup, they scratch the paint on my truck," I reply.  "You know, those blackberries have a mother and a father and haven't done anything wrong."  I had never thought of that.  I asked him if he liked blackberries.  "Oh, yes, they are so good, I pick them every summer."  I asked, "So, you like eating babies?"  He stared at me and said, "My wife says I over think these things."  I told him perhaps he does.

He still has a cool accent.

And You Are Rewarded, My Fine Peeps

I just wish you could see more detail-  the Rodeo Queen has great hair and the two girls on the lower level are hammered on champagne.  The clown has puffy hair and the bull rider has spurs. 

But still, it's pretty cool......The PeepBR.

A Peepview of Sorts

Extreme clandestine operations in house of Ho.  It involves the purchasing of Peeps, the curing of said Peeps and the construction of a top secret scene to rival all.  I had no idea a glue gun could be such a useful tool!

That's all I can say for now, because the secret has yet to be revealed.